April Falls

Seriously, I cannot believe the bad luck we’ve suffered in the last week. I should have been celebrating my 10th anniversary, but that’s been somewhat soured by an odd turn of events.

On Tuesday, at work, I fell over. Now, under other circumstances that might have meant a bruise or a scrape, but I had to go the whole hog. Having spent Monday with no companions to buy beverages – as one was ill and the other on holiday – I’d avoided buying hot drinks at work. However, having been for a lunchtime walk in the chill of this late March and then picked up a parcel from the post room, I decided to treat myself to a latte. I purchased the drink and wandered into the lobby. Under normal circumstances I would have called the lift and gone up a single floor with the hot drink – but with no one else around and the lift having just left for the 2nd floor, I decided I’d head up the stairs. I went through two doors and then ascended the first flight towards the halfway landing.

Here things went awry…

I made it to the penultimate step, when I guess I must have failed to raise my foot high enough stepping forward. My toes hooked under the lip of the landing step and I pitched forward. With a package in my left hand and coffee in my right, my instinct was to save myself from falling flat on my face, while retaining the coffee and clinging on the to bag… a gathering of activities that I couldn’t honestly juggle all at the same time.

So, I recall trying to regain my footing, with a slight forward stagger, and the coffee cup crushed in my hand. Scalding hot coffee erupted from the crushed cup, washing out across the back of my hand and dribbling between my fingers. Now half falling, half kneeling, my head made contact with the thin metal crossbars of the stairway bannisters. Indeed, my head arrived at such an ideal angle that my forehead struck one crossbar and the top of my head struck the one 6 inches above it. At this point, my hand released the coffee cup and the remaining liquid sprayed across my legs, the landing, the wall ahead and the glass of a nearby window. The cup then rolled off the edge of the landing and dropped back down to ground level. Package still gripped in my left hand, I stumbled upright and touched my forehead with my free fingertips – to find a trickle of blood and an already expanding lump beneath the flesh. Confused by the sudden accident, I stumbled back downstairs, went to check out where the cup had fallen and a pool of coffee had formed on the floor, dripping from the landing edge above, before heading back out to the lobby and into the coffee shop for assistance.

The upshot? I burnt the back of my right hand and between the fingers, bruised the right palm and both needs, got a massive plum-sized lump on my forehead, and sprained my left thumb. I would later also discover the lump on the crown of my head where I’d hit the other crossbar and enjoy the whiplash-like muscular pain in the right of my neck, presumably a result of the sudden fall and striking an unyielding metal bar at the end of it.

Suffice to say, while I managed to drive home – the follow day the bruises, sprains and screaming muscles all decided to kick in at the same time. I have slept little over the last few days, probably because I keep accidentally rolling on to a bruised bit in my sleep – but, it might also be because of the food poisoning.

Yeah, food poisoning…

As it happens, I haven’t been the one suffering, but my wife certainly has. On Good Friday we decided to have fish for supper – a little dover sole and a few fresh sardines as a sort of odd side dish. I have no clue what happened – because four people tucked into that fish meal and only one person came out of the other end swearing they’d never eat another fish ever again. My wife got seriously sick, seriously quickly. Now, two days later, she has stomached food for the first time and has been in considerable discomfort throughout. The nausea and vomiting only lasted the first twenty-four hours, so I’m hoping she’s on the mend. Plenty of water and peppermint tea seem to be helping.

I have suffered pain, but I’d prefer that over food poisoning (I’ve had it before, I don’t want it again!).

Today I managed to cook a fine piece of roast crackling pork, with roast potatoes, petit pois and cider sauce – which certainly made for a very different Easter Sunday experience. I’m happy to report that while my head still throbs and my left thumb hasn’t stopped bothering me, the meal proved delicious and no one has complained of food poisoning (as of yet).

I hope that the remaining time I have before returning to work with be hassle and pain-free, and that my wife will recover very soon. I shall always take the lift in future when I’m carrying a hot drink and never eat fish unless it’s either processed to oblivion or has been gutted and filleted by a professional (who I can ideally sue if something later goes wrong).

UPDATE: After due consideration of the evidence and suggestions from others, my wife has decided norovirus -the Winter Vomiting Bug – seems more likely than food poisoning. I’d prefer it stay as the less contagious food poisoning option, but there you go…


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