Monday morning, I noticed that the motorway sign somewhere between the Altrincham turn-off and the M6 on the westbound M56 had the message “Don’t hog the middle lane”. On the way home, I found the sign on the opposite side of the road at the same point echoed this message. I wish, oh I wish, that people would take notice of this. I certainly noticed one car, upon nearing this sign, shift from the middle to the inside.

Unrelated to middle land madness, I had a great experience of over-competitiveness this morning from a driver with a stupid hat in a silver Fiat something-or-other. On the road from Runcorn Bridge to Speke, the speed limit goes from 50 to 70. The Fiat overtook a car in front of me after passing the national speed limit sign and I promptly had to slow down, as I was already pushing past 60 and he overtook still doing around 50. After a moments hesitation, he pulled in and I went past him. Or tried. Quite suddenly, he decided he was going to do 70 after all. I decided not to push the matter and matched speeds… but he lost out on the chicken run as something lay in the lane ahead of him and he didn’t really have an option but to slow down a bit.

Of course, he couldn’t leave it at that. After I overtook a dozen cars ahead and then finally pulled in, he zipped by once more… almost like claiming the last words in a heated argument. I’m sure it must be some primal instinct stored somewhere in the DNA of all human beings – male and female alike – the drive to get the upper hand if you’re on the wrong side of a bad mood. Judging by the frown on this guy’s face, he definitely qualified as being in a bad mood.

Maybe he was fed up with people pointing out how stupid his hat looked?

Relevant reading:

I can’t believe we’ve come around to that time of year again when the days grow short and the driving grows dark. I hate driving headlit, ploughing through the gloom and darkness. Hard enough keeping track of all the idiots on the road when you can see them clearly.

In the UK, you should drive with headlights an hour before sunset and an hour after sunrise. Yet again, people fail miserably to remember anything they learnt while they had a test to pass. So, I found myself driving home at the beginning of the week gazing in disbelief at the three drivers I saw who persisted in keeping their lights off well into the late gloom period. I mean, I even flashed one of these idiots and nothing seemed to register. The motorway was filled with cars, all lit up – and yet it didn’t seem to phase these guys. It’d be like turning up at a fancy dress party dressed in shirt and jeans to find everyone else dressed in Halloween costumes… and then spending the entire evening utterly oblivious to the funny looks you’re getting.

I realise I should be concentrating on my own driving, but sometimes as I overtake on the motorway I glance across into the car next to me and I might as well be seeing something from a Romero movie. Drivers with vacant eyes, gripping the steering wheel with stiff fingers, focus unmoving. You might as well remove the mirrors and indicators from these cars, cause once they settle into the middle lane, that’s it until they get home.

Anyway… on the upside, I just went to the garage to get something from the fridge – and I found myself with a shadow. A moon shadow. I looked up to find the dark sky lit by a brilliant crescent moon, a scattering of bright stars dotted around the heavens between wisps of thin cloud. You can get a sky like that any time, but somehow I like them best in the autumn. Autumn and I get on just fine, because I’m not allergic to anything at this time of year and it isn’t so cold your extremities fall off after 5 minutes outside. Perfect.

Until I have to get behind the wheel of the car again…

I witnessed another fine example of middle lane madness today, something I see every single day in all honesty. It erks me most when drivers do it so blatantly, sitting in the overtaking lanes for junction after junction with hardly an obstruction to overtake in sight.

This morning a young woman with dark, shoulder-length hair in a black Volkswagen Polo (a very recent registration, ending with ZXM) hurtled westwards along the M56 in the middle lane in an apparently catatonic state. I could see her in my rear view mirror clocking up mile upon mile, at first in the middle lane and then the outside lane, at times with no car within several hundred yards. At one point, there was a driver in the inside lane and she sat in the outside lane – nothing to stop her pulling back across – with a great 4 by 4 tailgating her.

What possesses these people? When she finally passed me – in the outside lane – she wasn’t on the phone or singing… nothing that would explain the oblivious attitude. It seriously worries me – because that indifference to the road will inevitably lead to accidents or road rage… and then who will she blame.